Five Years Plus

{August 2, 2013}   Gathering

When I sit quietly I realize how much I miss my mom. She held me in such compassion and acceptance eight years ago – just a year before she died from metastatic breast cancer. I was so touched by this comment from my sister Ann, “Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear this news. I can imagine you are devastated to have to face this challenge again, what a blow. All I can say is that if you take the page from your mother’s book and treat it as just another fact of life, something to be met and overcome, you will do OK. Stay grounded my dear, the power to conquer is within you :)”

This was a tough week. A friend and fellow cancer survivor told me “I understand how this news is like a heavy curtain over everything,” which is exactly how I felt in the days after my diagnosis. By Thursday I was agitated. I had made little progress on gathering the information I needed and also learned that my GP would be on vacation next week. I waited nervously to hear whether she could see me before she left. Then tennis (my lessons, a team event, a competitive match) worked its magic. On the court there is no cancer, just me, the ball, movement and play.

This evening everything looks better and I know I will sleep well tonight. My GP came through. She met with Chuck and me this afternoon for a whole hour discussing our initial steps and plans. She is both incredibly smart and down-to-earth – our bridge to the medical world. She knows me and guided me through the process last time and I trust her. She reassured me and took charge. On Monday she will talk to my surgeon, my oncologist and my ob/gyn, making appointments, discussing my priorities and scheduling the next set of tests. Chuck and I walked out of there feeling really cared for and confident that she has my back.

I am so fortunate to be surrounded and held by so many family and friends.  I’m touched by your emails, blog comments and gracious offers of help. I feel very loved, and know that this helps me heal. For now I mainly need to remain quiet and focused as I set to, in the words of my nutritionist, “gathering – first, information from the outer (doctors, tests, research, etc.), then from the inner (the higher self, guides and masters), and finally gather your helpers, your team around you.” You are all members of my team and there may be a time when I need to call upon your offer of help. Thank you to all of you who are holding me in your thoughts and prayers.


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